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Thread: S7 : LOTR style

  1. #1
    Natarian Knight Odinsstaff's Avatar
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    Default S7 : LOTR style

    A couple of servers ago, Recnic the dual of Girasoul, made a thread comparing the various personalities on that server to Star Wars characters. I haven't seen Star Wars (Yes David, I know I am doomed to an eternity of being followed around by Jar-Jar-Binks being Jar-Jar-Binks and thus, annoying for this). But I have read the Lord of the Rings Novels and seen those movies. So I thought I would do a LOTR version of Recnic's post.

    Without much further ado, let's get to it. Oh actually there is much ado before we get to it. The following is a parody and intended as a joke. If your sensibilities are hurt by jokes, you should probably go read a dictionary instead, I would recommend the Webster's. If you are under the age of 18 (21 in some jurisdictions) or live in a community where it is frowned upon to have a sense of humour, you might want to go read the stock exchange ticker. You are bound to find this thread amusing. Either in a "Haha! That's funny!" sort of way or "Oh man! That's pathetic! This guys sucks!" sort of way. If neither reaction is elicited, you may secretly be a robot. Please see your local auto dealer for help. If you believe that.....

    *The only person who managed to read thus far shouts "Get on with it already!"*

    Ok, ok, tough crowd! Sheesh!
    On a serious note, there will be ZERO female LOTR characters here. Tolkien didn't really write strong female characters. The one lady that does get out to kick *** has to be saved by a fricking Hobbit! Oh wow, one of my favourite authors in one of my favourite series' didn't portray women too positively. I am depressed now

    Anyway, without further ado, here we go:

    Girasoul:

    What else did you expect, eh? :P
    If you are expecting to see several jokes about eyes, then I am sorry to disappoint you. You may want to avert your eyes as there will be no reference to 'eyes' in this.... oh... Never mind.
    Gira gets to be Sauron for two reasons. She is the all seeing eye that is easily distracted and can only be pointed in one direction, so misses the Hobbits that are right there, under its nose, about to blow the sh!t out of its ring. Also, like Sauron, Girasoul is capable of a black speech most mortals dread. It is called *gulp* 'spreadsheet!'

    Desert Fox:

    Well, of course! If Gira is Sauron, it must follow that DF is the Witch-King of Angmar, the second in command, the leader of Sauron's forces. Wait a minute! Witch king of Angmar? Shouldn't it be Wizard king of Angmar or Warlock king of Angmar? How the heck does one become the 'Witch-king' of Angmar? You know what, let's not think about it too much and quickly move onto..

    Ice:


    Why is Ice Balrog? Because that is the first thing that popped up in my head when I thought of 'cool' and 'LOTR'. Actually, the first thing that popped into my mind when I thought of something cold from LOTR was the tentacle monster. But this is not a Japanese AV, so we will ignore that. (Apologies to Japanese everywhere! :P)
    Balrog is apparently found asleep deep under the mines of Moria and when unleashed, its power was awesome to behold. Just like Ice's posts on the S6 forums the round before last, ripping into CWL were awesome to behold. So Balrog it is.

    Ceril:

    Tom Bombadil, the picture of innocence, the guy that goes around rescuing Hobbits that wander into Wraith hills, is a friend of all living things, eats flowers, farts sunshine, you know the saccharine good guy? But Tom Bombadil has a dark secret. He was EVIL all along! When the world kept refusing to acknowledge his EVIL side, he took the moniker of "Tom Marvalo Riddle" and went on to be an antagonist in a mildly successful book series.

    But unhappy with the series failing financially (You can see I put my research in!) he retreated from public life and is now Johnny Depp.

    So, Ceril is actually Johnny Depp O_O

    Scully:

    As I said above, there are no strong female characters in the LOTR series who don't need to be rescued. So Scully gets to be Gandalf. (Insert Scully is old joke..... oh, no, no, there will be no such jokes, please put that wand down, Scully! I beg of you!!) Gandalf is, and this is going to get me flamed, a very one dimensional character. He develops powers based on what the plot needs and swoops in to rescue everyone when they are in a tight spot. Just like Scully steps up and takes the responsibilty of a wing, artefact capture, etc. Oh, that's the Eagles who do the swooping in? Oh.... ehem... moving on....

    Marvin:

    Beorn is a big powerful bear man. But he is also kind and gentle, soft spoken, friend to all living things and every other positive adjective I can think of. No, I am not saying that merely cause Marvin is my Wing leader. I have no ulterior motives in portraying him in such a shining light. (Psst! Hey Marvin, can I get a push? I sorta starved our three scouts and I would like help rebuilding them. Thanks!)

    You are greatest thing since Sliced bread!

    Wild:

    What do you mean I have to portray Wild as the good guys since I am part of the alliance? Orcs can be good. You donít know they canít be good. Stop being so orcsist!! (Is that even a word? O.o) Fine, for all you politically correct narcissistic Wild out there, this is you-

    The fat one dies in the end!! Well, not right at the end. But eventually, after living a long and happy life, he dies! There, I spoiled it for you!

  2. #2
    Natarian Knight Odinsstaff's Avatar
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    Poor Faustus:

    PF reminds me of Saruman. A well learned man, eloquent and powerful. Also, if Gira is going to be Sauron, the opposition can't be wimpy Legolas or the cowardly Gimli. It has to be some one of equal power. So Saruman it is. Also, his avatar looks like it might be how Saruman looked like when he was younger, before he stopped eating food and started feeding on the despair of souls of humanity! (Is that the most metal line in this post or what?)

    DuncanIdaho:

    Denethor II was the Steward of Gondor. He used a palantir which brought him in contact with Sauron and Sauron being the jerk that he is, drove Denethor mad and into despair. Wonder why he never caught on to the dastardliness of Sauron and stop using the palantir?
    In full disclosure, I didnít really read the Denethor parts completely. I just skipped over them as Tolkien was big on redemption, see : Boromir. So I figured he would go down the cliched route of Denethor finally regaining his senses and kicking massive *** while leading Gondor forces and go out with a bang anyway

    Flegmatic:

    Grishnak is the Orc captain of Sauron's forces. He is a very minor character in the book and I don't remember seeing him in the film. But he becomes a playable character in that crappy video game "Lord of the Rings: war of the Ring" or something. He is quite good there and my favourite character despite being on the side of evil. Goes to show that all a minor character needs to be loved is be the only useful member of your entire bleeding army in a video game!

    RED:

    Uruk-Hai are supposedly bred from cross breeding Orcs and Humans. Take that you D&D nerds, LOTR did the whole half-orc thing first. The rest of you Ďnormalí people are free to be completely disgusted at this point about this fact. Although it is never directly stated so in the book, there is wild mass guessing that they were created by Saruman. Since fans know way more about a series than the creators themselves, letís go with that theory. So if PF is Saruman, RED gets to be Uruk-Hai.

    Macalista:

    Macalista is the Ent, Treebeard. Ents are tree like creatures, powerful and ancient. I felt they were very underrepresented in the book. Itís a tree thatís older than what have you that talks, walks and blows stuff up. How much more awesome can you get than that? And they only get a few scenes in the book and film? Sad.

    Macalista is the Ent Treebeard because he is the only one we get a really good look at in the series. We hear about the Ents and their lives mostly from him and he is the only character among the Ents that really has, well, most any character. Since Macalista is the only person I am aware of from SW who posts regularly, Treebeard it is. Also, Macalista is a wise person with decades of wisdom and wit to call upon. *hsarp passes Adi a note* ďNot yet of drinking age?Ē Well, I am too lazy to rewrite that decades of wisdom bit, so Ö. uh..... next?

    SWAT:


    Look above.
    Lazy? Me? Never! :P

    Lords:

    Wargs are one of the factions in the series. They are shown to be allies of the Orcs and all the other Ďevilí creatures. But to be honest, they are just like Eagles. Just in the book to fill out the bestiary, I guess. Given how Lords have been awfully quiet this round, I think Wargs is a fitting representation.

    IP:

    In all honesty, I wasnít sure if I should include IP. I have heard rumours that they are with RED. But since that hasnít been officially confirmed and I have no proof that is the case, they get their own entry. Shadowfax is a horse Gandalf tames in the series. Itís supposed to be an exceptional horse and thatís saying something since the LOTR universe places Rohirrim horses in high regard. But itís yet another underrepresented character. We donít see much of it and it doesnít get much characterisation other than ĎItís fast. Like really fast!í Given that IP seems to be a small team of elite accounts, this sounds like a fit description.
    Oh, on a side note, that pic of Shadowfax I got off LOTR wiki doesnít look very impressive. That horse looks just like most every other horse I have seen

    And finally, me:

    For two reasons:
    a) I am an unhinged loon corrupted by power and out on a quest to wreak unholy vengeance upon whatevers stoleds my preciouss from me, gollum!! and
    b) I am secretly a Pokemon completely incapable of saying anything more than just my name. And before you ask, yes, this entire post is my name. Imagine having tea time conversations with me.

    Whine fest for people who canít take a joke goes below this post. Hope the people who havenít had their sense of humour surgically removed get at least a chuckle out of this. If not, hey, more stuff to complain about under that cruel, harsh sun who beats down so mercilessly upon this ball of mud. That jerk burnss uss my preciouss!! Gollum shall hurts it!!

    Oh man! I am so getting sued for this by everyone from Tolkien enterprises to Nintendo

  3. #3
    Natarian Knight
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    Why am i always have to be the ugly guy?
    There are three main tragedies in a man's world: 1) Life sucks. 2) Job sucks. 3) Wife doesn't.

  4. #4
    Natarian Knight Macalista's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flegmatic View Post
    Why am i always have to be the ugly guy?
    I found that picture quite appealing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Caliban View Post
    Maca, stop embarrassing yourself.

  5. #5
    Natarian Knight Macalista's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Macalista View Post
    I found that picture quite appealing.
    Do people frown upon Ent-Orc relationships?
    Quote Originally Posted by Caliban View Post
    Maca, stop embarrassing yourself.

  6. #6
    Natarian Knight
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    That was extremely funny Adi. Now I understand why I at times feel a bit "split into three"

  7. #7
    Axerider
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    Roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol....................*breathless...........ro flol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol roflol......... I think I'm going to die laughing... You're killing me here Adi! You're killing me XD.......roflol roflol roflol roflol........aaahhh my tummy hurts >.<......

    I love Gollum and the Ents... My 2 favorite characters in the series XD!!
    I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff... and I want in.

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    so adi who would I be if I was a lotr character?
    Quote Originally Posted by herbalmessiah View Post
    I hope you realize you will never win an arguement with silent wind. You may think you can, but you can't.

  9. #9
    Natarian Knight
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    What a completely pointless thread. I enjoy trolling and all those fairy tail server analysis. Even get why people would spend time on those. But not this thread..

  10. #10
    Natarian Knight
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    Would never suspect that mobi would be the one to come up as dissatisfied costumer
    There are three main tragedies in a man's world: 1) Life sucks. 2) Job sucks. 3) Wife doesn't.

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